Surviving Hexes & Finding Salvation in Ifá

Before receiving Hand of Ifá

In late 2019 & early 2020, I wrote two blogs about my journey as a spiritualist. One of them was about how my ancestors were assisting me in healing childhood sexual abuse trauma. The other one was about how the mother of a dear friend obsessively used magic to bind me to her son after I no longer wanted to be his friend anymore. While I’ve not written about my spiritual journey publicly in four years, I’m still writing a memoir centered on the loss of my brother & the journey to where I am now.

At the time, I was friends with Dayanara, a medium who’d yet to be initiated to Haitian Vodou. However, she’d been knowledgeable of ways to appease the lwa for a while. She was still learning, and she’d often share what she learned with me. We’d exchange readings through mediumship for several hours every single day. Yes, I know…that’s odd, but it didn’t feel that way then. At the time, she was the most potent, unflinching & gifted woman I’d ever known.

If you read the two blogs I previously mentioned then you know she’s the one who gave me the readings that led to those parts of my journey being shared publicly. This isn’t about her though. It’s about where she led me.

At the end of what I thought was our friendship, I was at a loss mentally, physically, and spiritually. I left Memphis for New Orleans to attend what I thought was a spiritual gathering for spiritists hosted & led by Dayanara, but it sort of wasn’t. There was also another medium in attendance. What makes this gathering what it it’s supposed to be & the differences between what should’ve been & what actually was won’t be explained here; I spend way more time detailing the ceremony in the memoir I’m writing.

What I will say here & now is this: a furious ancestor presented herself to Dayanara only to be ignored & dismissed. Dayanara seemed put off by the spirit. I don’t think it was at the very beginning, but this happened somewhere at the outset of the ceremony. Dayanara said, “She’s scary looking & she’s pissed off. I don’t know what all of that is about. Let’s move on,” and vacated the message with a wave of her hand. Today, I’m certain she presented herself in the way she did because she did not appreciate the company I was keeping. I couldn’t see what was happening on my own. My admiration for Dayanara wouldn’t allow me to do so.

After messages had been received for the three of us in attendance, something shifted. I didn’t feel it at first. However, once Dayanara & I were alone, something seemed off. I didn’t feel as close to her as I felt before we started. I felt a strange, cold distance between us. There were no words said. There wasn’t anything strange or cold done unto me on her behalf, but when you’re psychic, you’re psychic. I felt it, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I wasn’t mentally, physically or spiritually secure at the time. I told myself it was nothing.

As Myesha Pruette would say, when Dayanara started “rubbing two sticks together” behind me, I didn’t understand what I’d done to upset her to the point of being hexed. She told me she was going to. That’s just the sort of woman she was. She didn’t hold her tongue or her witchcraft for anyone. While I was trying to figure out how to avoid being crafted, she was already crafting. One of the last text messages she sent to me pretty much said, “There’s something on you. It’s nasty. Baths won’t help. You’re going to have to find someone to pay to remove it.”

The other woman who attended the ceremony with us pretty much told me Dayanara was upset because I wasn’t rising to the occasion. She said something along the lines of, “You have a high calling. She’s taught you a lot so far. She wants you to do what you need to do.” She wanted me to write about a New Orleans maroon, but I didn’t understand. I wasn’t from New Orleans, and he’d been written about, from what I could see, quite extensively by natives. I gave her a list of everything I thought I should do to write something that hadn’t been written before, but no matter what I came up with or put into action it wasn’t good enough.

I couldn’t focus on any sort of assignment though. I was pretty much homeless, unemployed & nearly penniless when Dayanara delivered the message & the deadline about what I should be writing. I thought about what the other woman in attendance had said. Still, I couldn’t understand why someone who wanted me to answer such a high calling would hex me.

I’d felt it for days. I felt it on arrival. It felt like my spine & every limb of my body had been unzipped. Slit. Sliced. Opened. Wide enough for the entirety of something else to climb in & wear me as if I were a costume. It was heavy & it filled every room I occupied with profound anxiety. After some time & more than a few divinations from more than a few diviners, I finally found myself seated before Mambo Elizabeth Ruth on a video call.

Mambo Elizabeth Ruth, also known as Big Liz, lit a cigarette, glanced at the playing cards she’d pulled after praying & went in. There was fussing, cussing & a whole lot of getting me together. I wasn’t put off in any way. It felt familial. My immediate ancestry consists primarily of Black folks from Mississippi & Illinois. It felt like they’d gathered over the diviner to send word in the sternest way possible.

She glanced around & said, “Your ancestors are LOUD. You ignored every red flag presented to you. Dayanara ain’t your friend, was never your friend. She was playing a long game with you & you let her. She hexed you because the jig is up,” she paused, drew more cards, smoked a little bit more.

She sighed, laughed a little bit & said, “Child, what she did doesn’t have any power over you. There are symptoms, but your life won’t be ruined. Still, you shouldn’t have touched it. You should know better. Next time, use a broom. A shovel. Anything. Burn it later if you have to. You hear me? & she ain’t your ONLY so-called friend who done put something on you. Wake up! Do you understand why this is always happening to you? You need to be cleaned off. I know someone local to you who’ll be able to help.”

She suggested I also see a therapist because the unresolved childhood trauma I was carrying had me in the wrong people’s faces almost all the time.

A few months after I received divination from Mambo Elizabeth Ruth, I found myself on the doorstep of a stranger’s home. I fought with myself before getting in my car for the half-hour drive there. I fought with myself while driving. I fought with myself while climbing the stairs of their porch. I even fought with myself before ringing the doorbell. I wanted to be purified, but there was a voice present telling me no.

I ignored the voice every step of the way even though it was quite convincing. It told me no one could help me; I couldn’t help myself. It told me paying someone to remove what needed to be removed was useless. It told me I deserved what happened to me because I upset a friend. It told me I’d always live the sort of life where people would mistreat & exploit me. It told me the attachments I nurtured to self-doubt, low self-esteem & baseless fear were all I’d ever know. I rang the doorbell anyway.

A man greeted me with a smile & invited me in. He said his wife would be with me momentarily. I made myself comfortable in their living room. After some time, I was greeted by a woman who told me she was an Iyanifá. She was accompanied by a younger priestess. Before they sat with me, a woman had left after thanking them both dearly over & over again. As I watched her go, I wondered what they’d do for me.

We talked for a short while about what I was enduring at the hands of several people who either wanted me dead or returned to their lives before the Iyanifá told the younger priestess to clear her entire schedule for the day. She said, “We’re going to clean her off & elevate her dead. When we’re done with her, we’ll be tired. Anything else planned for today needs to be rescheduled.” I was overwhelmed, but I tried not to show it. There was a voice in my ear telling me I couldn’t be helped, but a woman who didn’t even know me cleared her entire day to do just that.

I spent nearly two hours with them. It was intense & beautiful. You won’t get any of the details here. When they were done, we sat & talked for nearly another hour. They described what they’d taken off of me — demons included, and I learned what spiritual fright was. It made sense why I felt the way I felt.

I wasn’t surprised at all by what was removed, but I was definitely surprised by what was left. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I was sparkling. I couldn’t stop staring at my hands. They felt like they were glowing. My whole body felt luminous. It was as if I was surrounded by the twinkling of a million little stars. The Iyanifá said, “That’s you. That’s the energy you carry. 100%. After a few days though, it’ll wear off. The intensity will wane.”

The Iyanifá sent me home with more than two hundred of her own protective spirits, told me they’d remain at my side for two weeks. I couldn’t see them, but I felt like I was traveling with an army. I felt invincible.

It didn’t take long before I realized closer to Ifá is where I needed to be. Ifá has changed my life for the better in many ways. Things aren’t perfect. I’ve often needed help from my community more times than I’ve been comfortable admitting, but I’ve not experienced ANYTHING close to the manipulation, deceit, hatred & harm I endured before Ifá.

I have comprised a list of a few things Ifá has done for me or that have happened as a result of me being closer to Ifá:

1. I have elders/teachers who are strong in character & generous w/ patience who are committed to teaching & assisting their students in coming into & remaining in alignment w/ their blessings & destinies
2. I’ve received taboos; I consider this a blessing. If it is NOT for me, I absolutely want to avoid it
3. I’ve received Ibeji; as a twin w/ a twin in Heaven they’ve been paramount in my life — when an enemy wanted to commandeer blessings that were mine while simultaneously ending my life, as a result of Ibeji’s protection, their attempt at my life backfired & my opportunities remained mine
4. I’ve received an odu 17 times in the past 4 years & have ALSO been able to cover the cost of the accompanying sacrifices — IYKYK; this is a TREMENDOUS blessing
5. I’ve learned that I come from devotees of Ifá & they’d love to see more of my family members participating in & learning about the tradition
6. I’ve learned àbíkú children are children predestined to die before maturity. This has helped me understand the loss of my brother in 2016 & has also prevented the loss of children in my family in recent years
7. My grandmother has received an odu & has had her name called in Nigeria as the accompanying sacrifices were performed there on her behalf. Two of my sisters have received an incredible amount of guidance & protection as a result of divination & one has even learned that she is an Apetebi. Seeing my family embrace the tradition has brought me great joy
8. I’ve avoided death on several occasions as a result of Ifá’s protection & guidance; every attempt an enemy has made at my demise has been incredibly unsuccessful
9. I learned that the man I thought was my father isn’t; this helped me align w/ my ancestors more & begin elevating my father who is deceased
10. I’ve continued to toil away at the memoir; I’ve wanted to forego writing it for several reasons. Ifá has strongly advised against this
11. I’ve remained in therapy & I’ve confronted a lot of what had me in friendships w/ people like Dayanara; one of the biggest aspects of this tradition is unlearning behavior that is detrimental to your mental, physical & spiritual health. It’s not all about icons, beads & ceremonies
12. I was reminded of a little bit of what I chose for my life before I came to Earth when I received a Hand of Ifá. We forget what we chose. Receiving this has done a lot for my confidence & overall direction in life

This list is in no way comprehensive. There are things I’m saving for the memoir & there are things that must remain private.

I spent a lot of time regretting ever being close to Dayanara, but what she did didn’t happen to me. It happened for me. I found my way home. Ifá is my salvation.